I know what I'm doing instinctively when I'm angry. I'm sitting on it.
I want to think about it. I want to think about what to do with it. If the person who has just said something or did something that caused the scum has begun, especially if my husband or daughter is going to get the most out of it until I find what to say. Often the moment is lost. Ten minutes later, I felt angry or tense and thought of my anger as a cow's cow, and my ability to express myself perceived as perpetually lost.
Not so. What I'm writing here seems to have defeated myself because I did not know what to do with the anger I felt. Sometimes worse when my husband is angry. For me.
I can handle her anger if they're heading toward others. Behind me, I confirm my righteous indignation, my enemy is my enemy. I'm a great team player. So where am I when she's angry at me? Which team am I?
After the first second I felt cool, I'm on my Rori team. I get my back, protect my back, face it. I'm the Starship Captain, Rori's defender, no angry word can hurt me, I've never done anything wrong. Or I did everything wrong. I was tired of anger, because she was angry at me that she was angry with me that caused such an intolerable conflict. I blame myself for breaking love even at this moment. After a few hours, it does not happen to me that I behave like a team. Our relationship would not only be better for the relationship but also for me. All I have to do is to share my anger.
We all know that I read all the books I've ever read about communicating "messages", "no" messages. And yet – how do you do it? Most people do not even know how this looks, much less how to obtain words. A single woman (including me) with whom I met had seen it in our lives, except perhaps in the cinemas. We do not just know how it feels to really talk about the "feel" message, we hardly know what we feel.
Those in my works know that my work helps women to reach their feelings and express the feelings that one can hear.
One of the sensations with which women have the biggest problem is anger, and anger is the emotion they often seem to have. We're all angry at most of the time. Maybe disappointment or irritation or pure anger. Some of us suffered from serious illness and we tried to keep it angry. Some people only attract people who abuse us who are angry because we are so angry.
The smiling face of our wrath makes us worse because at the top of the authentic angry hell everyone who is closest to us can be perceived (regardless of how dense they are), adding disrespect to trying to hide them. We pretend they're not there – though it seems like a big elephant caught out of his chest. The angry elephant trumpets our words, no matter how hard it is to try to disguise. When we pretend to be the worst of the liars, it is at best the case, like vending machines. We can be completely intact and at the same time complain that men can not come into contact with their feelings.
So what do I do?
first I agree that anger, even murderous anger is just a feeling. It's just energy. And this is likely to cover the pain. Because anger really feels better than pain, it is a very worthwhile and useful emotion
. Accept what we feel anger and that it belongs to us, not the man at the table. He admitted that he probably had nothing to do with that person over the table. There may be anger about the last relationship, the last two dozen relationships, or our relationship with our parents. And then admit that if you're talking about a man and telling him or doing something obviously painful, you do not just have to endure – handle the next step! What is it:
3. Share. This is not about ventilation, application or "communication". It's about sharing your emotional state in order to be both healthy and deepening your relationship with another person. Say, "I'm angry." Period. If you ask why, he says, "I feel very angry and hurt, and now I feel confused, and now I feel a little dumb tells you." Or "Ouch – it really hurts – it feels terrible." (Note that I did not say "You felt terrible," or "It feels terrible," but I said, "I feel terrible.") It may seem a bit of a thing, but my job is based on the idea these little things contribute to great things, and soon your life has changed to the right and you have experienced all the great changes that seem to be so terrible now.
Learn how to go with a few laps, she responds in the moment – even if screaming for you. "I'm so angry now that I feel like I've been hit! I do not want to be here anymore!" and leaving the place.
If you have to do a lot, you might want to check out why you chose to stick to this man at all – which brings us back to the question why we should hide the stuff in the first place. This is because we are afraid to look at what is happening in the relationship with what is happening in our hearts? I know it seems too simplifying to share your feelings. We want to explain it to help her understand. In fact, I just want to translate it. We want to punish him. And this is us and the relationship, nowhere.
So where is this feeling to be shared? Every woman I did (including myself) told me to change the conversation. Move the entire connection. Where once there was a tension and a sort of detachment, there is now a kind of play and relationship. Sharing the emotional state is an outrageous courage. Anyone in the room can see this.
And anyone can feel its full credibility and vulnerability. Any person can feel how much he should trust and respect to be able to open it without attack. Without mentioning her name. And every woman who is experiencing this a bit will get rid of it.
Suddenly all excuses disappear, and the fear of leaving the act. Suddenly the need for protection must be protected, the need to be preserved and the fear of disappearing. Suddenly there is nothing between him and your man. He can feel it. Feel.
Where you go from here. And once you get used to it, you get rid of it. It opens the door and covers the curtain and gives you the opportunity to really let love come in. And then it also happens
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