This statement has stopped many wars in my house. My eldest two children are 2 years old and have everything and nothing to fight when they are small. One of the anger of the other and deny that it ever happened. One accidentally hurt the other during the game and does not want to accept the responsibility of the other's anger. Rarely, one day went by, one of them did not scream in the other because of some terrible crime. He never made a mistake when they imported the media, both claiming innocent and the other wrong. How many times have you tried to convince me that the other is lying and trying to commit a crime. What is the parent?
I really believe in teaching my children to account for their actions and choices. I want their eyes wide and fully aware that when they make a bad choice, bad things are likely to happen. And when they make good decisions, good things are likely to happen. I worked very hard to understand the concept that if you treat people badly, I do not like you. Also, do not ask other people. It does not matter if you are a beautiful child of God. No one wants to hang out with you. The simple facts of life, but I do not see how they are taught what they want. They say that we learn our social skills from our brothers and neighbors. Our role model is what our parents show, but we practice with our peers.
One of the things my children most hated in my children was forced to apologize for things I did not do. I also hated being forced to apologize when I simply defended my people or my property from a known attacker, especially my sister and brother. I too had too many adults in my life to apologize for the things they did not regret and then repeatedly repeat the same actions again and again. When people say they are sorry, I often think to myself: "Good, do not do it again." Changing behavior is more important to me than just offering the words "I'm sorry". I wanted to teach my children that we should never apologize and apologize if it really means. However, I also wanted to take responsibility for the envy of anger to help create it. Somehow I had to find the perfect peacemaking, face-shield to teach all these concepts. The ultimate stumbling block was an endless compromise. If you blame someone badly and the other person does not return, he simply says, "If I hurt you, I'm sorry." Then you bite your tongue hard. Do not say another word. Do not be angry and do not look. She just says she looks straight and lets go. You can tell yourself that since you did not hurt them, you do not regret it. They can tell you they're sorry because they feel they've hurt them. You do not claim to be any offense. In addition to being at some level, without knowing it, somehow you have offended them? Would not she want to regret at least the little thing? Peace soon showed up in my house. They both complain that they have won the day war. I received the necessary peace and rest that I needed.
It did not last long for me to understand that this statement works just like in the adult world. Try to work with a colleague for a while and see how well they react. Try it in your marriage. Try it with the extended family. It works on so many different levels. Clear differences or the most important family wars can be said. It always works. At a certain level you mean, except for those parts where not. Do not worry about exactly which fight you are accusing or accusing. I agree not to compliment the details of the apology. You can expand it by saying, "If, in our disagreement, I told or did something that hurt me, I'm sorry, that's not my intention, I never wanted to hurt you." You do not lie and offer olive oil. He really did not want to offend the other person. It's just your point. This allows the face to be rescued, but it still starts the healing process. Try it once.
I do not think it looks like really terrible things like rape, murder, arson or military warfare. You just work for forgivable things. If you think that everyone and everyone can be forgiven, you can try to say it, but I think no one will actually take it. If Hitler told the Jewish peoples or Charles Manson told the families of the victims, I seriously doubt that he would have created real peace. If something really bad happens, you have to let go of total guilt completely, and a full real apology is mandatory before true forgiveness and healing can occur.
This kind of apology is not like that. It only applies to the hundreds of terrible intimidations we receive and this is the way to create a general atmosphere of peace and healing. It is for those people who want to stay close. This is an apology for those annoying people who love heart but do not want to fight anymore.
Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge
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