Conflicts and disagreements are inevitable in relationships. Anger is a natural emotion and disagreements can be a healthy sign of difference. Conflict usually occurs because certain requirements are not met – whether within or outside the relationship. The purpose of conflict management is to meet these needs in a way that does not harm the relationship.
Here are some tips that can be useful in dealing with anger and reducing conflicts.
first TIME-OUT. Disagreements are the most appropriate if both parties are not up-to-date. Whenever possible, you have to pause to calm your body. Techniques include breathing, relaxation and visualization (see self-help guide). The strong feelings of anger, sorrow or anxiety do not make it easy for us to gain access to our rational abilities and so there is little use in trying to resolve disagreements in this state – often only in insults and unintentional scrutiny. Both should respect each other's need for a time-out; it does not bother the problem, but is prepared to react better to it.
2nd REFLECT INSIDE. Check it yourself and ask yourself what you think about this question. Ask yourself what role it plays in – misunderstand what your partner said? Do you feel bad about something else? Do you feel good? Ask yourself if you think that it is a question that is important enough to stop the earth – can you let this resent or ask your partner for something? Sometimes we reject the habit and because it links us (though negative, at least we both get attention). Ask yourself whether or not this question should really be addressed. If so, consider exactly what to ask.
3rd To explain. Avoid assuming that your partner needs to know what's wrong. The empathy is a pampering concept – it's almost impossible for another person to really know what he is experiencing and give what he wants. It's useful if you can ask for what you need.
4th PERSONAL. Sometimes it's a great temptation to raise your stakes in an argument. The fibers and the ultimatums damage the ego and spoil the connection as a whole. So try to keep the argument in the question rather than endangering the whole link. Avoid doing this again … & # 39; & # 39; I can not take this anymore, I'll leave it & # 39; … If the connection is over, you have to decide on a fierce argument.
5th ONLY FOR STAFF. The conversation is best approached from a personal angle rather than your partner. If your partner raises a critique, you should rather defend yourself than the question. Try to use it and I feel like it … "It's broken if …" "I would love to …" and you do not feel it … "when you do this …" # . Try to avoid generalization, for example, always do this. & # 39; you never think … – it's certainly painful and usually inaccurate.
6th OR THE DISCUSSION. It is not a weakness to accept what he did. Assuming mistakes and mistakes is beneficial to both parties as long as they are not due to martyrdom or manipulation. Early apology can save a lot of unnecessary conflict.
7th INCLUDING POSITIVE. If you think about the point, it will bring good results if you can point to something positive. The conversation is undoubtedly rosy, but if you rely on aspects that you like, your partner will be less tense and martial. Negative points can also be placed in a humorous way. Humor does not mean that a partner trivialises the problem, but makes it easier for him to face a question.
8th Focus on the present. If he captured a painful memory of a past event (no matter how disturbing it was), he did not stop living in the present. You have the right to suffer mourning and your needs become clear to your partner. Long-term anger overwhelms the relationship. Try not to use past events as an example. Despite this being a repetitive question, the current disagreement must be addressed here and now.
ninth AIM TO BE SUCCESSFUL, NOT PRESENT. As the conflict approaches, you get the highest score for both of you. When responding to a win (point-scoring), the gain is short-term and worse. When you answer that you ask to meet your needs, it is still uncomfortable, but you work to create both of them better.
10th AGREE THAT I DO NOT KNOW ONE. You are entitled to ask your partner to help meet your needs but you are not in the business to get your partners to visit the world as you do. It is not fruitful to try to transform them into their life philosophy. Differences need to be included – including different interests and activities. Finally, not your partner is to meet your needs, but you have to meet internal and other people (family, friends).
The above tips are a set of tools for dealing with anger management and conflicts. It's not easy to integrate, but in practice the relationship is hoping to improve. It does not replace the professional consultation of a qualified psychotherapist or counselor. If you or your partner's anger is physically or emotionally abused, it is highly recommended that you seek help from a third party or external organization.
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