It seems to me that there are two big fears in every connection. It seems that this is true of business partnerships and friendships. This is especially true in intimate relationships such as marriage.
The two big fears:
1. Fear of Desolation
2. The fear of being controlled, taken over, ceases to exist as an individual being.
I think these fears are driving the relative proximity of relationships. Anyone who is normal even with normal normal deviations, wants some relationships with other people with some degree of discomfort. In addition, every person loneliness, "for time", desires a certain individuality.
The need for intimidation and solitude varies between individuals. A person needs a variety of intelligence and solitude. It is also the level of intelligence and solitude that individual desires are changing from time to time. Sometimes this version is sometimes quite dramatic sometimes. Sometimes a change from desire (or necessity) to intimidation to loneliness is gradual and takes place over a rather long time. Sometimes it often takes a short time.
This seems to be a constant negotiation in every connection. This trial is generally humble, rarely known or even recognizable at a conscious level and certainly not discussed. Because they do not recognize or argue, they often lead to misunderstandings that can lead to arguments and misunderstandings.
I've met many people who are very afraid of abandonment, pushing on a consistent path to consistent inquiry and keeping track of phone numbers, etc., While the subject of their investigations is not expressed and verified to leave the relationship.
The amplitude of these desires for intelligence and emotional distance seems to be the experience of some significant intervention or abuse at the time of personality.
The author describes the dramatic fluctuating intimate needs and fears of people with cross-border personality disabilities in "I Hate Do not Leave".
It seems that individuals with this disorder are essentially the same intimate factors as everyone else but much more. It seems that these people facilitate the feeling between loneliness and abandonment and the feeling that they are trapped or jammed. The phenomenon, of course, is not limited to the Borderline Personality Disorder. However, it seems that this is often the most important issue for such persons. Although I like to understand better that I have come to these ideas. Regardless, I'm happy to empirical research, it seems to "validate my thinking." Daniel J Siegel, in his developing mind: "We see a parabola in the sense that the better the hemisphere plays a decisive role in the autonoethical consciousness that includes the sense of self (inner states, body condition), context and time as they can be represented in the past and the future is directed towards the future The dominance of the waist current on the right is the hemisphero, thus creating the motivational formation, creating my volunteer representations over time.These views allow us to understand the concept of "cognitive representations" in a developing light: Neocortical abilities realism between the perception and the action in the determination of strong and asymmetrical internal motivational factors incorporated in the structure and functioning of the brain. These motivational systems affect embryonic growth and are postnatally dependent on interpersonal we will see that these genetically-driven asymmetries create their own subjective and interpersonal effects on human experiences.
It is thought that amygdala deals with leaving the emotional significance of an object and linking it with other memory systems originally built by the hippocampus. "It seems to me that it is conditioning us to unconsciously form opinions about people (and even other creatures and objects) that affect relationships. This brain is associated in a way that some people are recalled or rejected by unconscious
Another factor that is related to relationships is the famous Sigmund Freud calling it a repetitive constraint. Therefore, in my understanding, we have created outdated situations from past experiences and trying to free them. My mother was alcoholic, I get in touch with the alcohol and try to make them easier. Again, I think it works on the unconscious level, so we often do not know that we've been involved in the process. We think that we are all alcoholics of the opposite sex or we think we have a very bad luck. 59002] RELIGION
For 26-year-old consultant couples, it has become clear to me that there is no gain / loss in relationships (this seems to be true in all relationships, including business relationships). This is especially true in intimate relationships. Or everyone wins, or everyone loses. Power struggles tend to split relationships. Sometimes you get in touch with the decision to be right or happy weather.
One of the most important issues of connectivity problems, my experience is communication. This can cause problems because partners sometimes do not tell what they mean or what they want. Sometimes they communicate by saying what they do not want. This means that their partners have the opportunity to determine what the other wants in the restriction process. This is done with suggestions that are then accepted or rejected by the other as long as you make a proposal in which your partner is interested. One of the usual approaches in cases where communication is limited is to provide partners with forms that reveal feelings and ask them to record their feelings today and then forward them to their partner. I call this form as a diary of feelings.
I routinely advise customers to communicate in a way that is unlikely that their partners become defensive. If someone feels criticized, they sometimes become defensive. When a person becomes insulting, they are often more inclined to build protection than to listen to, but they tell them. It can therefore be useful to communicate in any way that does not result in defensiveness. This approach, though apparent, often seems controversial. I point out to others what they are doing wrong or how they do it. However, if this student has experienced it, he can become four defenders because he says he has reacted to a critical question. Soon, we can find great arguments for anyone we listen to.
HOW TO EXPECT THE PARTNER (and everyone else and his dog or cat)
Behavioral psychologists and others at least eighty years research suggests that positive re-execution is the most effective way of influencing others. The most effective way to do this is to re-enforce the behaviors that I am going to move the object (partner) to move and ignore behaviors that do not move in that direction. Of course, this is progress – gradually, when new steps towards the ultimate goal are re-enforced until the behavior is achieved.
This concept for many – if not most people – is intuitive. This is when I introduce the concept of positive re-design to couples (or individuals) to say that this is not a new information for them. Sometimes, there seem to be some reservations in practice.
In Brenda L. Gargus's article entitled Positive Reinforcement, he says: "If the child is approved, she will become acquainted with herself."
Dorothy Law Nolte
After a long day in the office, more work at home, the last thing you can feel is positive. But it is crucial that you also make a positive tone during conversations to improve your behavior.
What is positive communication?
Positive communication is a tool for rewarding good behavior and eliminating bad behavior; self-esteem and self-confidence for children. And it's easy – when you get your voice! Children's honors have a strong influence on their relationship with their parents and their relationships. Every child should be beloved and accepted, and you can communicate such emotions with your children as you speak.
If you have been able to solidify your constant positive reinforcement at home, you will see that communication is easier and helps your son or daughter learn to communicate with the outside world. By the time they reach primary school, children need to increase self-esteem when positive reinforcement is done in practice.
• Stick to your children and keep eye contact.
• Always allow your child to finish the conversation and finish statements.
• "Labeling Disables" – behavior for the child. Incorrect: "Billy, you are the bad guy." Good: "Billy, you're irresponsible to leave your games all right."
• Help your child learn to speak positively.
• Try to confirm the statements, for example, "Sara, you are a very beautiful girl, now let's talk about how best to do homework." People react better to positive statements, but make sure the farewells are true. Children and adults will see false flattery.
In the book, Meta-Emotion: Families Communicate Emotionally: John M. Gottman, Lynn Fainsilber Katz, and Carole Hooven, the authors discuss Dr. Haim Ginott's educator and psychologist for positive reinforcement. The four basic parts are:
1. Recognize and acknowledge the child's wishes.
2. Determine the limit value calmly and clearly.
3. Describe whether your wish is met in part.
4. Help the child expose the rage of limit values. "I know you want to watch the TV show now, but we record it and you can check it out after the homework."
Brenda L. Gargus
Reward and Bribe
Confirmations may vary by child. You should be aware of the reinforcements your child appreciates and uses. Extra TV time, telephone privileges, Saturday at the mall – most children enjoy these things. Use rewards if you feel that your child has done a difficult job, such as having an honor in school, getting B (or even C +) on a hard test, or arguing with your brother for two weeks. Do not mix reward with bribes! You should not offer extra excursions, money or gifts for the tasks your child can expect on a daily basis. Instead, use reinforcements and positive communication – to encourage your child to use the same form of communication with others.
Try It At Home
Here are some timed tips for positive communication with your kids.
• Be solid and consistent.
• Do not force small, time-consuming decisions like, "Which color toothbrush do you want?"
• Give your child work when he is young. Houses build self-discipline and sense of responsibility, but keep in mind that you need a lot of calm reminders to finish them.
• Accept the fact that the kids have to say things over and over again. If you have to repeat the direction, tell it as if it was the first time.
• A short list of housework is better than a long, annoying or frustrating list. Usually, lists (even words or images) are better than simply telling your child what to do because the list is listening to two learning styles – audible and visual – and the list allows the child to direct each task control. complements it.
• Keep in mind that some children do not process multiple requests quickly or accurately. First, come on the child's attention, never crying from one room to another.
• Talk slowly; this will help your child absorb more of what you say.
• If your child has learning disabilities, he may be disordered and having trouble managing the event in the right order. Keep it calm, uncritical and not irritable when explaining something to your baby. James Baldwin once said, "The kids were never really good to hear their elves, but they never could imitate them." To enhance your positive attitude and your repeated behavior with your child, give him the plan to interact with people outside his home.
Many of the above suggestions are not only effective in communicating and / or stimulating children, but also with adults.
Betty drowned because her spouse Charlie leaves a towel on the floor instead of the washbasin. Each day he does this, he complains, saying he is misleading, and sometimes he is disrespectful of behavior. Sometimes Charlie remembers taking them for one or two days, but then going back to the towels. After discussing the situation with the counselors and recalling the benefits of positive re-design, she expressed her appreciation when she picked up the towel or acted kindly toward her. Of course, for the first time, he has difficulties with the approach. Sometimes he tune in and could not withstand loud complaints. Gradually, however, he became more consistent with what Charlie was willing to take on the towel. Now Charlie throws the towel into the laundry, most of the time.
HOW MUCH OUTSIDE OTHER (and other people in our lives)
I was beginning to think about this when I started looking back at my life and examining my relationships. Gradually I got to a theory. Since then, I've discovered that I'm not alone in this idea. I think we all have a profile of the unconscious we are looking for. I believe that the profile develops when the personality develops in childhood and is present in our lives in this period and in our experience of our early life. As mentioned above, some experiences can greatly overcome the integrity ability. This phenomenon is reflected in the profile we have programmed to look for in intimate relationships and friendships. If someone has a subconscious profile that results in choices that do not work well, there is hope. I do not think a person's profile is thrown into stone. Setup is possible. It does not seem likely that 180 degree change can be achieved, but I think a significant change is possible. Change is Assisted by Psychotherapy
THE EFFECT OF ALCOHOL AND OTHER DRUGS
I routinely recommend couples seeking to resolve the conflicts of their marriage to refrain from mood or changing the soul until the relationship is fairly smooth. One of the most commonly reported is alcohol, a powerful drug that anestheses the brain, causing inhibition and courting problems. Many people agree that drinking alcohol increases the likelihood of growing arguments and interactions.
10/8/2009. This morning I saw a couple who has been coming for months. Residents are separated, but weekends are often spent together. The wife is a foreign citizen who travels to her home country for surgery and visits her father. Her husband is a recurring alcoholic who has fallen back but has returned to the sober state before they started dealing with me. The wife is worried that the spouses will return to her apartment. He represents to try to avoid conflicts, so he lives separately. This week was odd. When I noted the effect of her, she said she was worried about her surgery. When they are together, they live an active sex life. She tells her that her former husband is struggling with a cocaine problem and is now in jail, and after divorcing her, she was in contact with a man who was an alcoholic.
I remarked that it seems to have attracted the men who have financial abuses and agreed. I stated at least what kind of sober alcoholic spouse he was in healing.
What I Learned from Clients
I've often heard from the practitioner's statements that they knew a lot about their customers. Most of the days spent working with clients have strengthened their theories about relationships and often suggest new ideas about the dynamics of relationships.
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